The conception, development and execution of the journey were all carried out in the same way. I thought about things, i wrote about them, I wove the responses to my writing together with person-to-person conversations I had into decisions about which way to go next. That. Repeated over and over.
Before the trip, I spoke to people around me at the Centre, at Tuttle, friends, random acquaintances. On the trip, I spoke to the people I was staying with or with others I encountered as well as occasionally checking back in with my London friends.
Now I’m back, I feel like I’m not doing that so much. I think it’s because I don’t know how to shift gear and ask for a different kind of help. I am fine with getting help opening up options and making short-term decisions. Closing things down, getting them down on paper and turning them into something interesting, noteworthy, remarkable, valuable, not so much. Somehow I want to do that all by myself, I think I have to draw a line on collaboration, retreat to my cave and produce *my* thing, *my* product, *my* story.
I’m looking for people to work on this together. I feel like an actor who needs a director, a journalist who needs an editor, or something. I could be wrong about what or who I need, I just know I need help, challenge, support, something other than me to go any further.
Having written that, i recognise that it’s not as entirely open as that. I think I need people who already have some understanding of what I’m doing and some affinity with it. Help conditional on me being able to explain to you from first principles exaclty what we’re doing and why is no help at all at the moment. If your response is “I’d love to help you, but I don’t really understand what you’re doing” then thank you for the offer, your time will come, but right now I need something else.